Hey Ky Buddy,
I love you. I missed you today. I went to get my hair highlighted (I had planned it for before you got here!). It felt very weird to be doing something so normal. I have to believe you want your Mom and Dad not to be sad because you're clapping your sweet, big baby hands in heaven. I'm clapping with you, my sweet boy. Last night after I told my friend Page your story, I had the biggest pit in my stomach that I've felt yet. None of the thoughts I've used to comfort myself were helping. The only thing I could say to your dad was, "I feel broken" and "I miss baby Ky" while I bawled. I want to give life to your sweet body, baby boy. Your dad pulled my head close to his chest and gave me one of those big, full body, rubbing hugs he does while he told me to tell him everything and cry it out. I didn't like that feeling. We prayed together again last night for you and for us, and that helps put me in the right frame of mind for sleep.
This morning, Shay and I sat together in the living room, talked, and read. Shay tried to go for a short run, and I think it helped him. He's been walking around talking about projects on the house, and I'm just listening, knowing he just wants to look forward to something. I missed him alot when he dropped me off to get my hair done. I still feel the best when we are together. He seems to have had a much more normal afternoon, and I'm afraid he's going to leave me behind in the grieving process. I'm nervous about his going to work in 2 days, but the Lord will hold me close and I know Mom will come if I need her. Shay was wanting to see a friend today, so we met up with Lauren and her sister at Las Palmas. Lauren, like so many friends, has been on standby, ready to do whatever we need. We are so blessed.
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Lord, hold your baby Kyler extra tight tonight for me. You love him more than I can comprehend. Please, please wash me over with the knowledge and with that peace it should bring.