Today felt like a big milestone and, though it's hard to see it, it's probably a good one. One week. Shay and I have been wanting to join our church for quite a while, and today started the membership class. I was concerned last night about going, and had started to feel like maybe the whole last week was just a dream. Family was so present, friends and strangers contacting us and blessing us with meals, and it largely changed pace this weekend. Fortunately, Shay continues to remind me that, even should we never have children, through adoption or otherwise, he would still love this blessed life with me by his side. I hope he always feels this way.
This morning, we prayed in your room together, choosing to talk directly to you as well- this helped put your face in the front of my mind so I didn't feel that we were "forgetting" you by returning to some normalcy. We faced the inquirer's class at church, where a couple of deacons recognized our names, and I was teary-eyed.
Dr. Martin and his wife had offered for us to sit with them this morning (we never typically cross paths at church). That was the only thing I was looking forward to, being near someone who understood better than anyone in that building what had happened last week. His presence was comforting. We didn't speak at all until after service, but I could hear him become tearful during the prayer over us from the pulpit. Crying next to my doctor was a weird and holy and cherished moment. Again, the Lord surrounds us.
The church has surrounded us like family, though we have not yet committed to being members there. After service, we spoke to Dr. Martin and Pastor Barnes briefly about the swing of emotions in the last week. Pastor Barnes prayed over us. I know that we are not aware of even half of the prayers being raised on our behalf. It must be in the thousands. We are beyond, beyond blessed and have learned so many ways to return the blessing to others in the future.
This afternoon my best friend drove in from Knoxville to spend just 2 hours with me. It was very sweet getting to relay everything to her that I could think of. She left way too soon. I miss her a ton.
A friend then came to drop off food.
Then 2 couples from church came by for an hour. We told the story again (3rd time today for me) and I was so emotionally exhausted I cried through most of it. They all four prayed over us, and during that time I think I felt every extreme of emotion that I had felt up to this point: from gratitude that God chose us for this testimony (and thinking of Job...) because he knew we wouldn't forsake Him, to missing Kyler more than I ever have. I am absolutely exhausted from today.
I managed to get in a 30 minute sweaty walk, which was helpful. Learned that Mom had driven back up to stay with Mitchell just in case I needed her. Which I do.
I've now seen a pattern this weekend- I feel the urge to tell everyone because I want to share Ky's life, but I tend to feel depleted and sad when it's over.
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."
I pray this beautiful image over baby Ky. He is so enthralled with the Father, he is not concerned about us here. He was first God's child, we just were given the privilege to prepare to raise him.