I got a message from a girl who makes and sells jewelry, and has decided to rebrand her business such that it provides comfort and love letters for her customers going through tough life situations. You know, grief. That stupid word.
She asked if I'd write a letter to include for those who've undergone loss.
I thought I'd include it here:
Friend,
I'm so sorry for the season of loss you're walking through. While I say through, I know that there's usually never an ending point.
My husband and I lost our first baby at 38 weeks in July 2018. I can't begin to verbalize all that we've learned- good and bad - about grief, about people, lost dreams, and poor expectations. We miss our son, but we also miss the opportunity to be parents now, we miss the memories we should have had, and we hate that none of our close friends will have fully worry-free pregnancies. What we have gained, however, is a fresh desire and curiosity for heaven, an appreciation for present memories and our health, new friends who have undergone similar losses, and a realization of those friends in our lives that will walk with us through the hard and awkward.
I don't have to tell you how awkward loss can make people, and it sucks. But I probably also don't have to tell you how near the Lord can be when you feel no one on earth can fully appreciate the depth and specificity of your pain. Someone asked me what I wished that I was told right after we lost our son, and my answer is the same thing I want to pass on to you. You WILL make it through this, because you have a Lord who wants to show you more of Himself always, and He cares like we can't comprehend. God voluntarily went through the loss of a child, watched Him torn apart, because you're worth it. You wouldn't be able to live with Him forever if He didn't allow it. You really might grieve differently than your spouse/loved ones, and it's okay to know that and still be mad about it. And when people say stupid things, take their intention and forget their words.
      Lord, make your nearness feel palpable. Please, please, underneath the sadness, give your child an unspeakable knowing of peace. Give her the ability to see people's good intentions and let that be all she sees. Give those near to her a boldness and confidence to sit with her and know they'll never fix anything with their words. And show all of us more of your character in Scripture than we've been able to see before.
"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal". 2 Cor 4:16-18